Assessment

This year has been the hardest year for me, my health has just been so up and down and over all I'd say I've managed to spend about 6 weeks out of hospital.
In October the professor said to me I needed to think about whether I wanted new lungs and I do, but it's so scary. I want it but I don't want to have to go through it and it almost feels as though It's not happening to me like I'm watching it happen to someone else. I have days when I don't think it's really happening then all of a sudden it creeps up on you and I get so scared and just cry, have so many emotions floating around I just don't know what to do with them all.

I am currently in hospital and have been for the last 3 weeks, and every day is the same, your rudely woken by the cleaners changing the bins and trying their hardest (well it seems that way) to wake you, 8 o'clock - the catering staff change your water jug (still trying to sleep) 8.15am the student nurse turns on the light (because she needs to see) to do routine observations - these are blood pressure, oxygen saturation's, heart beat per minute and temperature, 8.30am catering staff come in and shout (I'm not lying) 'BREAKFAST? TEA OR COFFEE?' I usually say yes and they put in on my bedside table so I can eat it at 10.30, and at 9.30 the physio comes in to help me clear out the stuff from my chest which does help I just wish it didn't need to be done so early but it does so I shouldn't really complain. As you can tell I am not a morning person and don't get me wrong I am not complaining about the hospital as I can not fault them at all, the staff are brilliant at what they do, the facilities are fantastic and the care is great - I just don't like the ridiculous times things need to be done.
So today The Dr came to see me (he's quite young so he's a lot easier to talk to and have a joke with) and we did some more of my transplant assessment. He needed some information about my medical history and asked things such as 'have I ever had major surgery? have I had a pneumothorax? Have I ever done hard drugs? (of course not!) do I smoke? (of course not!) have I ever had any major bleeds? and then he handed me a blood testing form with lots of various different tests circled - there must have been about 20 different things I am being tested for, as I said in the beginning of the post transplant is scary but the assessment is also very scary but someone said to me last week to think of this a a bigger annual review so that's how I am looking at it.