I've been feeling quite low the last week or so, I don't know why I am feeling like this - maybe I'm a little taken back by meeting the transplant consultant, maybe it's because Thursday is approaching and I don't know what is going to happen after then. I just feel as though my normal happy, bubbly personality has been taken away and I'm just left feeling tired, perhaps I am emotionally drained right now? The Dr's and physio's have suggested that I speak to someone who doesn't know me to get thoughts and feelings off my chest which seems like a good idea but I just hope it's not one of those 'and how do you feel about that?' talks. There is a certain thing that keeps running through my head and it is the call, what if i get it? what if I don't? am I scared of the call yes! am I scared of not getting the call? yes.. but what am I more scared of? and the truth is I am equally scared of both, I am scared of getting the call and saying goodbye to loved ones and not knowing if its the start of a new beginning or the end, I am scared of not getting the call and knowing that it is indeed the end - I have a fear of the un-known, I always have and always will, I hate not being in control of a situation and not knowing where I am at, which is a bad trate to have in a situation like this as you have to have faith in others and trust them with your life. Tomorrow or Friday I should hear whether I have been accepted onto the list or not and then I will know exactly where I stand - please keep everything crossed that I am accepted onto the list.