I'm feeling a little bit better about things today, I saw my transplant co-ordinater this morning and she was lovely and answered all of the many questions I had to ask and which no one else had the answer to, my mind feels more settled which is great.

The last few days have been quite tough for me to say the least, Saturday was a awful day and felt as though it was never going to end - I woke up and found it extremely difficult to breath so i informed the nurse who then told the doctors who then came to see me, they switched my antibiotics around (again) and decided that because my oxygen saturation's were low they would need to do a blood gas on me to check my carbon dioxide levels - the test showed that my blood gases weren't looking to hot and they were higher then the doctors like, the problem is that due to low oxygen saturation's you can get high co2 retention which is obviously a problem. A common sign to this happening is bad headaches in the mornings and feeling quite lethargic.
I didn't have any headaches but did feel as though I wanted to sleep all day long so the doctor then suggested I try a non-invasive ventilation machine called the BREAS which is a machine which allows the clinician to adjust ventilation requirement digitally, whilst providing continuous positive airway pressure which will get rid of the co2 waste for me which at the moment my body in unable to do for itself. The machine comes with a mouth piece so I was told to use it for a few hours a day to get friendly with it and possibly sleep with it in a few days time as that was when the co2 problems are likely to take place as you take a shallower breath during sleep. It took a while to get used to the machine breathing for me but once you relax it is actually quite nice and takes alot of the strain off the lung muscles which are working overly hard at the moment. At first I was not too keen on this idea as I felt like it was another step towards my decline but after alot of thinking and crying I decided that these are tools which will allow me to feel more energetic and make life a little better whilst waiting for transplant and make things easier for me and less tiring.

I read a quote last night which I thought was great..
''Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow'' - may tomorrow be more bright.