Before I go to sleep

I usually find that before I go to sleep my mind spirals out of control with thoughts and feelings about there here and now and the future, last night I was thinking about if I get to go on the transplant list and what it would feel like to get the call and my toes curled at the thought of this as it is so very scary. I often think that I'd pass out with excitement, anxiety and every other possible emotion, I also think about what it'd feel like saying goodbye to all my loved ones before the procedure and not knowing what the future holds for me. I get really scared by the thought of not getting the call but I also get scared about the call and I don't know why all I know is I don't want to die, I'm not ready.
My mind also drifts in and out of day dreams of my possible future, what I'd like to do, where I'd like to go, how it'd feel to do things everyone else can easily do - yesterday and today I have been for small walks with the physios to help strengthen my muscles and stop me relying on the wheelchair so much and I felt like I'd accomplished something, I felt so proud of myself and I thought to myself it's stupid really because it's something others find so simple and my news for the day to family and friends is 'I went for a walk today' where as other peoples days are somewhat more interesting and I want mine to be like others so much -a friend of mine just text me and said she was sorry she hadn't called me tonight she'd been at work, done stuff after work, had dinner and has just sat down but she'll call me tomorrow & for some reason this upset me, I think it is because I have waited all day for people I love to finish work etc so I can speak to them about their day and all the interesting things they have been doing and today I didn't get a chance to do that and I do understand how busy people are but it is just disheartening when something doesn't happen. I just want my life to be full of things other then this hospital, I want my life to be different to this and it really gets me upset but i guess patience is the answer.